Last
week I felt I was playing the game “What day is it?” The official fireworks
were on a Saturday - in June, (although moving the fireworks to Saturday may
seem blasphemous, I did enjoy sleeping in on Sunday morning since the fireworks
ended an hour and a half past my regular bedtime); the July 4th edition
of the Chronicle arrived in the mail on Tuesday, and the Center’s Saturday Bingo
celebrated our independence on July 7th. But thankfully, the July 4th parade
was on the fourth.
Holidays such as the Fourth often gives us a reason to
spend time with friends and family. But what if one of them lost their spouse -
someone they had depended on for so many years. And now they feel disconnected,
isolated and alone. And making matters worse, needing to ask for help from
others when they never had to before. It can be a real struggle - often causing
a vicious cycle of loneliness and depression leading to isolation and grief.
We
want to help in these situations, but what can we say that doesn’t make a
person feel more isolated. In the Next Avenue blog post, “What Not to Say to an
Isolated Older Adult”, Michelle Seitzer shares some ideas she has learned from
talking to various experts.
First
don’t say, “Oh, that was so long ago…” Each person’s grief is expressed differently
and the time it takes to heal varies. It is not something you just “get over”.
Instead give the person time knowing that it may take as long as a lifetime.
Don’t’
say “Let me know how I can help” - unless you really mean it. Instead, do those
unexpected little things that show you care: bring them dinner or their
favorite dessert. Little gestures can make a real difference.
Don’t
say: “You must be doing better since …” They may have started a new job but getting
more involved doesn’t erase the risk of the pain of isolation. They still must go
back to their house alone. Instead be there when needed and stay in touch. Even
when a person feels lonely or isolated, a phone call can be a lifesaver.
Don’t
say: “You should go out and enjoy yourself more often…” You can be more
socially active and still feel isolated and lonely. Instead suggest something
more personal such as creative activities and new traditions. Or maybe the next
Blue Zones Purpose Workshop where a person can rediscover the talents and
interests they had once relegated to their “another day” file.
For
people who feel isolated, getting past the “used to” or “can’t do” is difficult
without us making it worse. When you want to help, maybe the best thing is just
to be there and listen.
Because
there is room for only twelve, I want to give you enough time to sign up for the
next class in the Center’s series of Fourth Wednesday art classes provided by
the Columbia Art Center. The class is on July 25th from 1:00 – 2:30
and it will give you a chance to try something new, improv theatre: a form of theatre
in which the plot, characters and dialogue of a game, scene, or story are made
up spontaneously. No experience is necessary – just a desire to have fun.
The
doctor who on December 3rd, 1967 at the Groote Schuur Hospital in
Cape Town, South Africa performed the world’s first human-to-human heart
transplant was Surgeon Dr. Christiaan Barnard. (I received correct answers from
Sharon Hull, Lana Tepfer, and this week’s winner of a quilt raffle ticket, Virginia
McClain.)
While
serving in the US Army in Germany, this rock and roll star met his future wife
when she was only 14 years old - and seven years later on May 1st,
1967 they were married in Las Vegas. For this week’s “Remember When” question,
what were the names of the bride and groom in the most highly publicized
wedding of 1967? Email your answer to www.mcseniorcenter@gmail.com, leave a
message at 541-296-4788 or send it with a stale slice of the six level, $10,000
cake served at the wedding.
Well,
it’s been another week, looking for a cool breeze – not a windstorm. Until we
meet again, take time to know what you really want.
“How
many legs does a dog have if you call the tail a leg? Four. Calling a tail a
leg doesn’t make it a leg.” Abraham Lincoln
No comments:
Post a Comment