Last
week I talked about how “never giving up” can be detrimental to your own health
and well-being. But this week’s column is from another perspective. If you are
the adult child, what do you do if your parent stubbornly refuses to take your
advice or help?
In her
article “Tips for When Aging Parents Won’t listen” found on the website A Place for Mom, Sally Abrahms shares
eight tips to help with those difficult conversations. (Some may not apply to a
parent with dementia.)
1st. Remember some things are just a matter of
preference and not a significant health or safety issue. Ask yourself how important
is it? Really.
2nd. Don’t treat your parents as stubborn
children. You may feel the child parent roles have been reversed, but it is not
the same. They are adults. And think about it. Do you really understand the
physical, social, and emotional challenges they’re facing?
3rd. Try to understand the motivation behind
their behavior – which isn’t easy. Is it wanting to maintain their
independence; wanting the comfort of what they have always known; or are they
confused and afraid?
4th. If you are trying to persuade them to
change their behavior, connect it to something they value such as you or the
grandkids. Something like “I worry that you might fall.” or “If you cause an
accident you could be sued and lose the inheritance you want to leave to the
grandkids”.
5th. Think ahead. Connect the behavioral change
to a significant event they want to see: a wedding, a graduation or a child’s
birth.
And for your own emotional health, consider the last three
tips.
6th. Find some place or someone to share your
feeling and frustrations.
7th. Accept the situation. Parents have the
right to make what you consider bad decisions such as what to eat, and what to
wear - if it doesn’t harm others.
8th. Don’t beat yourself up if something does go
wrong. Sometimes all you can do is to stand by and be ready to help when
needed.
We love our parents and want them to be safe. But we don’t always
know best. As we may find out when we reach their age, the number of years you
live just may be less important than living the life you want.
The
2018 “Cruise the Gorge” Weekend starts this Friday night with the traditional
“Neon Cruise” from 6 pm-8 pm downtown along Second and Third Streets. During
those hours the cruise loop will only be open to registered cars and there will
be no public parking along the route. But public parking will be available on
all side streets; in the First Street parking lots between Washington and
Federal; and at the state office building parking lot at 7th and Union. Then on
Saturday at Sorosis Park the “Show in the Shade" starts with registration
from 9 am to noon, judging from noon to 2 pm and the "Parade of
Champions" Awards Ceremony from 3 pm - 4pm. And the activities conclude on
Sunday with the "Dufur Classic Car Show” from 9 am-3 pm and "Dallesport
Drags” from 8 am-4 pm.
The
Selectric typewriter which was introduced with a radical “typeball” about the
size of a golf ball and dominated the market in the 60’s and 70’s was
manufactured by I.B.M. (This week’s correct answers were sent in by Tiiu Vahtel,
Lana Tepfer, Jo Smith and this week’s winner of a free quilt raffle ticket,
Barbara Haren, a retired business education teacher who remembers the machine
well.)
When I
was in high school I remember thinking this British sports car was the coolest
car on the road and dreamed of driving one even though I knew I never would.
For this week’s “Remember When” question, between 1961 and 1975 what automobile
company manufactured the iconic XK-E model – a combination of beauty, high
performance, and competitive pricing. Email your answer to
www.mcseniorcenter@gmail.com, leave a message at 541-296-4788 or drop off when
you stop by in an XK-E to offer me a ride in the “Neon Cruise”.
Well it’s been another week wishing for some Portland drizzle. Until
we meet again, don’t forget to keep your lie straight before you tell it.
“The stubbornness I had as a child has been transmitted into
perseverance. I can let go but I don't give up. I don't beat myself up about
negative things.” Phylicia Rashad
No comments:
Post a Comment