Aging in the Gorge April 1st 2020

Lives have been lost and routines have been disrupted. By now, most people are taking the pandemic seriously: social distancing, hand washing and sanitizing (although I think my wife is taking it too seriously when she insists I stay six feet away!)

With all the anxiety and uncertainty, “When is this going to end?”, we still must remember to laugh which may be the best antidote for these strange times. So, I want to share three jokes from the book Die Laughing: Killer Jokes for Newly Old Folks by William Novak.

But first, a few words from our sponsors.

The Mid-Columbia Senior Center’s Quilters are making handmade face masks and are asking folks to do the same. You can place donated face masks in the box outside the Center’s front door to be distributed to those who need one to protect themselves and others. More information including patterns can be found on the Center’s website www.midcolumbiaseniorcenter.com.

Even though the center is closed, we are answering calls at 541-296-4788 thanks to the wonder of call forwarding. Meals-on-Wheels is delivering meals; and offering take-out but you need to call before 10:00. For more information call 541-298-8333. And because folks still turn 65 even when there’s a pandemic, SHIBA (Medicare counseling) is available by calling or texting 541-288-8341.

In addition, if you would like to volunteer helping older adults or know of anyone needing groceries delivered or a friendly check-in by phone, you can call Circles of Care at 541-397-0724 or email Gracen at gbookmyer@ageplus.org.

Now back to the show! Here are three jokes you may have heard before, but I hope they still make you smile. The theme is “Try to Remember”.

A man walks into a pharmacy. “I’m looking for some acetylsalicylic”, he tells the druggist.

“You mean aspirin?”

“Thank you! I can never remember the word.”

A doctor is sent to a nursing home to test the minds and memories of the residents. To save time, she interviews them in groups of three. The first group she meets with consists of three men.

Turning to the first one, she asks, “What’s nine times thirteen?”

“That would be four hundred and six”, the man replies.

Without giving any indication that his answer is wrong, she turns to the second man. “What do you think, sir?” What’s nine times thirteen?”

“That’s easy”, he says. “It’s Thursday.”

She turns to the third man and says, “Nine times thirteen?”

He answers immediately. “One hundred seventeen.”

“Excellent,” says the doctor. “How did you get it so quickly?”

“Simple”, he says. “I just subtracted four hundred and six from Thursday.”

Frank Sinatra goes to see his mother in a nursing home. It’s his first visit and the residents are thrilled to see him.

He patiently answers their questions and signs a few autographs. When he notices a woman who is sitting alone and paying no attention to him, a mixture of compassion and narcissism prompts him to go over and sit with her.

“How are you today?” he says.

“Not too bad,” she replies. “Are you here to visit someone?”

“Yes, my mother lives here. By the way, do you have any idea who I am?”

“No,” says the women, “but if you go to the front desk, I’m sure they can tell you.”

The comedian who hosted his own weekly variety show and whose character Geraldine Jones popularized the catchphrase “What you see is what you get” was Flip Wilson. I received correct answers from Sam Bilyeu, Beverly McKinney, Rhonda Spies, Lana Tepfer, Julie Carter, Jim Ayers, Glenna McCarger, Patty Burnet and this week’s winner of a quilt raffle ticket, Jess Birge who still has two Flip Wilson albums.

It’s the first Wednesday of the month so it’s again “What use to beeeeeee there!” and the category is “Where you rest your head”. For this week’s two-part “Remember When” question, what was the previous name for what is now Cherry Heights Living; and what was the name of the hotel that is now Shilo Inn? Email your answer to mcseniorcenter@gmail.com, leave a message at 541-296-4788 or send it with an original vintage postcard of the Tillicum Motor Inn (which you can buy on Amazon for only $18.99!)

Well, it’s been another week, trying to adapt to the new normal. Until we meet again, as the Center’s quilters say, “All together - alone, we can make a difference!”

“These changes in latitudes, changes in attitudes, Nothing remains quite the same. Through all of the islands and all of the highlands, If we couldn't laugh we would all go insane.” Jimmy Buffett